


Bad Memories: DO NOT OPEN.

by blinking_post



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Amnesiac TOP, Angst, I hadn't realized I liked making Seungri cry, M/M, Romance, Seungri's life is a Kdrama, Temporary Amnesia, Topri/Toptory Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7452286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blinking_post/pseuds/blinking_post
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Retrograde amnesia, they tell him after a few more tests.  He’ll most likely get his memories back, they say.  Six years.  He’s lived every second of them but he can’t remember any of it.  Maybe he should feel angry.  Devastated?  Distraught?  Something?  But he feels nothing.  Numb.  Can’t miss what you don’t know.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Memories: DO NOT OPEN.

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to Holly for holding my hand through the entirety of this fic and giving it a once over before I decided to post ^_^

\----

 

When Seunghyun opens his eyes it’s to the sight of blinding white light and a relieved face he’s sure is Seungri’s hovering above him.  It’s fuller, a little older even which is a little strange but it’s undoubtedly still Seungri.

 

“Hyung,” he says, watery smile on his lips and if Seunghyun didn’t know Seungri better he’d always swear those were actual tears in his eyes.  “You’re finally awake.”

 

They tell him he’s been in an accident.  Severe too.  The car is wrecked and he’d escaped with scrapes and bruises but a pretty terrible blow to the head.  He nods, can’t remember anything so he doesn’t say a word, and waits for the doctor to give him the all clear to go home.

 

They ask him questions while shining a light into his eyes.

 

 _What year?_  2010.

 

A frown.

 

 _How old are you?_  Twenty-three.

 

 _What’s the last thing you remember?_  Being driven to the building.  They need to practice for GD  & TOP’s first appearance.

 

Retrograde amnesia, they tell him after a few more tests.  He’ll most likely get his memories back, they say.  Six years.  He’s lived every second of them but he can’t remember any of it.  Maybe he should feel angry.  Devastated?  Distraught?  Something?  But he feels nothing.  Numb.  Can’t miss what you don’t know.

 

They want to keep him overnight for observation  Seungri thinks it’s a good idea.  The first thing he’s said since the diagnosis but Seunghyun shrugs it off.

 

“Can you do anything for me?” he asks the doctor.

 

_No._

 

“Then I’d rather be at home,” he says and starts gathering his things.  His clothes are laid on a chair and he grabs them, makes his way to the bathroom to change.  They force him into the wheelchair and make him stay in it until he’s outside the hospital doors like an invalid.  He would be angry but he’s suddenly so tired.  He’d been asleep three days but he feels like he hasn’t slept a wink.

 

“Where’s Jiyong?” he asks Seungri on the way to his apartment.

 

Seungri only hums noncommittally at him, no real answer given, eyes focused on the scenery flashing by outside his window.  He’s so quiet it disturbs Seunghyun.  He reaches out, shoves at one of Seungri’s shoulder to get his attention.

 

“Hey!” he says, just loud enough to be obnoxious but he knows it never fails to draw a smile from Seungri.  Sure enough there it is, peaking out.  “What’s wrong?”

 

And then it’s gone.  The smile he’d been awarded grows, widens, but it morphs into something that doesn’t quite reach Seungri’s eyes and a wave of disappointment washes over.  “Nothing, hyung,” in a way that is meant to reassure him do doubt.

 

He’s not buying it.  “Bull!” comes out before he can stop himself.

 

Seungri stubbornly keeps his lips zipped.  Silence seeps back, making things awkward between them in a way that he can’t remember them ever really being, not since six years ago.   _Ten,_ he reminds himself.  Fuck.

 

\----

 

Seunghyun stands in front of his door wide-eyed and gaping and wondering what in the hell just happened.  One second they were in the elevator together waiting for the door to fully open, the next Seungri’s sort of mad dashing ahead of him much to the confusion of Seunghyun, until finally it all clicks into place when Seungri opens the door, turns back to him and says, “Wait here.”  By the time Seunghyun makes it to the door he hears the lock click into place.

 

He searches his own pockets for keys because damnit he’s not going to be locked out of his own apartment.  Not even for ten minutes.  Especially if it’s Seungri who is telling him to.  Only he comes up empty-handed and with enough annoyance to almost facepalm, he realizes Seungri had been carrying his bags.  With his stuff.  Like his keys.  The ones Seungri used to get inside in the first place.

 

On edge already he bangs on the door.  “Seungri, let me in!”

 

“Hold on!” he hears from the other side.  Seungri sounds frantic, like he’s rushing.

 

“Seungri,” he begins again, this time low, a warning in his tone.

 

The door pops open then, and Seungri is breathing heavily in front of him, pained grin on his face.  Seunghyun pushes his way in, casts Seungri aside with a forceful shove to his chest.  A flash of pain makes itself noticeable in Seungri’s eyes for a split second but he blinks and it’s gone.  Whatever.  He’s not sure it was really there to begin with.  And Seungri shouldn’t have locked him out of his own apartment.

 

A glance around and everything feels familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.  Last time he remembers there’d been bearbricks everywhere and two pieces of art hanging in his living room to be aesthetically pleasing.  Now it’s the opposite.  Now there’s only a few of his favorite bear bricks displayed on cases and shelves while art cover as much space as possible without overwhelming.  Modern pieces.  Abstract ones.  Paintings.  And chairs.  There are chairs everywhere.  

 

“What’s with all the chairs?” he asks.

 

He watches a smile spread on Seungri’s mouth, the first one to actually light up his face and there he is.  That’s the Seungri Seunghyun knows.  Their maknae with a million watt smile, infectious enough to make even the devil smile too.

 

“You think they’re sexy,” he says, a teasing lilt in his voice.

 

He gasps, scandalized.  “Do not!  You take that back!”

 

“Hyung!” he exclaims, laughter threatening to take over.  “You can’t lie to me.”

 

They share a look, eyes locked, and everything suddenly becomes easy as they both burst out laughing, the six years between them melting until there’s nothing left.  That’s what he loves most about Seungri.  He’s easy going and takes things as is.  He doesn’t think too hard on anything and goes with the flow.  He’s also, surprisingly enough, a really good listener.

 

Even then, it gets a little weird when he’s ready for bed.  Seungri putz around like he’s unsure what to do.  No, more like he doesn’t want to leave at all.  Seungri must still be worried about him, Seunghyun thinks, and offers his guest bedroom to Seungri because it might make him feel better if he stayed the night.  The offer jolts Seungri out of whatever thought he’d been lost in, and looking pained, he shakes his head and then leaves in a rush, phone in his hand.

 

He finds what must be his keys still in the hospital bag ten minutes later and thinks it odd.  He could have sworn he’d seen Seungri set them on the kitchen counter before.

 

Even stranger, when he brushes his teeth before going to bed that night he spots two toothbrush heads in the little container next to the electric bottom.  Being ahead of the game perhaps?  Like throw one away when it’s no longer good but hey, there’s already another one there?  Who knows.  Twenty-eight year old him has some seriously weird habits it seems.

 

\----

 

There’s a box hidden in the back of his closet haphazardly.  It’s labeled:

 

Bad Memories: DO NOT OPEN.

 

\----

 

There’s something everyone’s not telling him.  He can sense it in the air like just used aftershave every time all of them are together.  He thinks back to the first time after his accident.  Jiyong and Youngbae welcomed him back with warm, giant hugs, both attacking him at once.  Daesung had waited for his turn and given him something more reserved.  He hadn’t expected any less though.

 

“So what happened?” Daesung had asked.  

 

“Retrograde amnesia,” Seungri had answered for him just as he opened his mouth.  His brows furrowed in annoyance.  Why was Seungri speaking for him?  He expected Jiyong to put Seungri in his place, to tell him Seunghyun could speak for himself but nothing.  Jiyong only nodded contemplatively, fingers on his chin as he mulled it over.

 

“How much has he forgotten?” Youngbae asked, worry etching his forehead.

 

“Six years plus a few months,” Seungri answered again.  Okay, this is starting to get more than a little annoying.  He’s right _here._  He can answer for himself, thank you very much.

 

He caught Jiyong’s eyes widening, and then he’d fidgeted as if uncomfortable.  “So he doesn’t remember-”

 

Seungri cuts him off with a hard, “No.”

 

“Remember what?”  He refused to be a bystander to a conversation about him.  If they were all discussing it amongst themselves it must be important.

 

“Not important,” Seungri answered, another fake smile directed at him and he was starting to get really tired of seeing them.  He wondered briefly if Seungri could read his mind and was being contradictory just to be an asshole.

 

Something like sympathy crossed Youngbae’s face right before he spoke.  “Seungri-”

 

Seungri ignored him.  Instead he turned to Seunghyun but spoke loud enough that everyone could hear.  “Top-hyung, have I told you I took up Jiu Jitsu?”

 

Typical Seungri.  Whenever anyone said something Seungri didn’t care about or didn’t like or something he didn’t want to elaborate on he would change the subject right away.  No segue necessary.  Just a random jump in topic.  It was comforting to see somethings hadn’t changed even if Seungri was noticeably more mature and considerate now.  An adult even.  He didn’t think he’d ever see Seungri as anything but a kid but now it was clear as a sunny day to him.  Seungri had grown up and suddenly he couldn’t help but feel all those forgotten years surface again.  Seungri wasn’t a kid anymore.  He probably hadn’t been for a long time.  Seunghyun didn’t know how to feel about that when the realization hit.  Truth be told, he still doesn’t.

 

In a shocking turn of events Seungri’s thinly veiled Jiu Jitsu threat had shut everyone up.

 

Huh.  Interesting.

 

\----

 

This Jiyong is a more reserved and jaded version of the one Seunghyun is used to but no doubt he still makes Seunghyun’s heart beat just as fast with nothing more than a smile.  He can’t help it.  Jiyong has always done this to him.  The moment he comes face to face with Jiyong again he breaks out into a grin, light as air, all previous concerns about forgotten memories disregarded.  If he’d been hoping to get his memories back quickly before it hardly matters now.  Nothing really did before either, as long as Jiyong was still by his side.

 

See, there’s something about their timing.  They can’t quite get it right.  They’ve always been off, just slightly out of sync with each other.  Twelve and thirteen and too young to fully understand before Jiyong moved away.  Sixteen and eighteen and he had his girlfriend, a woman he thought he would die for.  Eighteen and twenty and both too scared, especially with their recent debut.  Twenty-one and twenty-three and Kiko and how Jiyong had been so smitten with her.

 

It doesn’t seem like that’s true anymore though.  There’s no real way of knowing but he’d been patient before, they both have and somewhere inside of him he believes both of them think their time will come eventually.  Maybe that time is now.  He may not remember anything but the present him knows this much: he would have waited however long it took to be with Jiyong.

 

So yeah, maybe this Jiyong is more reserved and more jaded but he’s still Jiyong and Seunghyun still wants him all the same.  It might not be love yet but it might be some day and he holds on to that.

 

\----

 

While watching Jiyong slip on his shoes he has a moment of clarity.  He thinks _fuck it_ and catches Jiyong’s wrist when he reaches out to open the door.  Frozen, Jiyong stares at him with wide eyes and Seunghyun himself is holding his breath.  Slow, he starts to lean down, thinks that this might be it, this might be their moment all for it to shatter when Jiyong turns a cheek towards him and stops him with a hand on his chest.

 

Hurt, he asks, “Why?  I thought...”  He trails off.  Apparently he’d thought wrong.

 

There’s pity in Jiyong’s eyes when he answers.  “When you get your memories back-”

 

_“If.”_

 

“No,” Jiyong insists.  “ _When_ you get your memories back, you’ll thank me.”

 

It dawns on him then.  “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”  There’s a flinch and Seunghyun knows he’s right.  “Oh.”

 

Jiyong shakes his head.  “Trust me, that’s not something that factors into this at all.”  

 

Two reassuring pats on his chest and, “You should treat Seungri better,” then he’s gone, door closing softly behind him as he leaves Seunghyun standing there.

 

\----

 

He hears them sometimes, half caught whispers between his band members when he’s just the turned the corner.  Hushed and kept low, secretive, but never enough to reveal anything, especially when they catch him.  They keep themselves quiet and they won’t look him in the eye.

 

They’re all keeping something from him and he doesn’t like it one bit.

 

He watches them all now, distrust embedding deep in his chest.  Why won’t anyone tell him anything?  He’s not an invalid.  No matter how bad it is he’d rather know than not know.  Some nights it drives him mad, makes him ready to just explode and ask what the hell they’re hiding from him.  He knows though, no matter how many times he asks and pleads no one will give him an answer.  He’ll have to figure it out himself.

 

\----

 

Because Jiyong is Jiyong and he’s too busy, he says, he doesn’t have time to help Seunghyun memorize new dance routines.  Seunghyun suspects otherwise, suspects that Jiyong doesn’t want to be alone with him and that kind of hurts.  He sicks Seungri on him instead but there’s something strange happening.  He fully expected Seungri to whine incessantly even while he grumbled about how unfair it was but nothing. Not a peep.  Nothing but a smile and kind eyes thrown at him.  

 

It’s probably for the best it’s Seungri after all, honestly.  Seungri has always been patient with him.  He knows criticizing Seunghyun shuts him down so he learns nothing.  Somehow that’s something about him that Jiyong had never quite learned.

 

After what feels like the hundredth time of running through Fantastic Baby -- Seungri insists it’s a staple of their repertoire -- it finally feels natural.

 

They’re both exhausted heaps on the floor, back flat against hard wood, arms and legs spread out as sweat drench their foreheads, both breathing hard.  He doesn’t have the energy to do anything more than grunt, a nonverbal question when Seungri laughs.

 

“Haven’t practiced like that in ages,” Seungri says in reply.

 

His brow furrow.  “What do you mean?”

 

“We kind of don’t dance like that anymore,” Seungri says, then elaborates.  “Pretty sure Jiyong-hyung has given up on you.  You pretty much just do whatever you want on stage now.”

 

He laughs.  “No way.”  Disbelief colors his voice.

 

“Yep.”  Seungri is light and cheerful and when he turns his head he meets Seungri’s eyes, little fond crinkles having formed in the corners.

 

Huh.  Guess everything about the future isn’t so bad after all.  He never thought stubborn Jiyong would ever admit defeat on anything.

 

Jiyong…

 

He clears his throat before he asks.  “Do you know who Jiyong is seeing?”

 

The mood shifts from easygoing to tense.  The light dies in Seungri’s eyes, leaving him confused and wondering what the hell just happened.

 

Seungri shrugs as best he can while lying down but he’s turned his head away, eyes trained on the ceiling once more.  “Yeah.”  His word is clear but he sounds like he’s lost somewhere Seunghyun can’t reach.  Something heavy weighs on his chest, makes it feel like he can’t breath as it tells him to leave it alone.

 

He turns back to the ceiling too.  They’re so close he swears he can hear Seungri breathe but it feels like they’re a million miles apart.

 

\----

 

The thing about Bad Memories: DO NOT OPEN is that it’s totally something he would do.  The only thing is that the handwriting isn’t his.

 

\----

 

He had probably never voiced it out loud before, not sure if he did in the missing gap of his memories but he sure as hell had thought it before.  Seungri was definitely the best person to go drinking with because Seungri was always ready to have a good time.  Jiyong is well, he’s _Jiyong_ and that means he’s a freakin lightweight.  The party is over before it even starts.  Youngbae only gets angry and worked up and Daesung flirts and leaves him behind but Seungri, Seungri _listens_ and Seunghyun definitely had a hell of a lot to say.

 

_Who is this Nana person?_

 

_Is she as beautiful as Kiko?  More?_

 

_How long have they been seeing each other?_

 

_Is Jiyong in love with her?_

 

_Is that why he won’t be with me?_

 

Seungri had _listened_ and hadn’t judged, only putting a comforting hand on his shoulder while he said nothing.  The more Seunghyun talked the more he couldn’t stop and soon everything came spilling out like vomit, foul and angry and disgusting and maybe if he had been sober he’d be a little ashamed of himself.  As it stood, he got more and more worked up until finally, while being thrown into his bed, a confrontation.

 

“I have a right to know,” he had demanded, loud and boisterous enough for Seungri to cover his mouth with a hand, all the while hissing at him about his neighbors.   _Neighbors._  Like they mattered at all.  He wrenched himself away, freeing his mouth.  “You guys are keeping something from me.  I deserve to know.”

 

“And I’ve been thinking,” he had slurred out, continuing as Seungri kept quiet.  “Jiyong says not being with me has nothing to do with his new girlfriend, right?  And there was a time when he _wasn’t_ with Kiko, right?”

 

Seungri nodded gingerly at him, a little afraid even.

 

“So why not _then,_ right?  And then I figured it out.  Jiyong and I, our timing has always been shit, right?  So that’s it, right?  I’m with someone, right?  That’s the big secret all of you guys won’t tell me?”

 

Silence, then low, Seungri finally answered.  “Yeah, you’re seeing someone.”

 

Seungri urged his head down and the moment that happened his eyes slid shut, peace finally after too long of a night.  Another bout of word vomit he couldn’t control, and after Seungri had stood up and started walking away, only stopping to say he was going to grab Seunghyun some water when Seunghyun asked where he was going.

 

The door slid closed gently behind him with nary a sound and Seunghyun himself was starting to slip into slumber when he heard them, tiny little sobs coming from the other side of the door.  At first he thought _impossible_ because the only other person there was Seungri and well… no.  Couldn’t be.  But a minute passed and then two and the sobs were still there, short little heartbreaking gasps that tightened his throat and had his heart pounding painfully in his chest the more it went on.  He wracked his brain trying to figure out what had happened.  Had he said something mean to Seungri?  If he did he didn’t mean to.  Seungri had been so great with him so far, patient and kind and the only constant in his life now that he thought about it.  He thought back and well there was nothing.  This was all he recalled:

 

_They haven’t called me at all.  The only one who’s bothered to check up on me is you._

 

_I don’t think this person, whoever they are, means as much to me as Jiyong thinks they do._

 

_Maybe… do you think Jiyong is scared to be with me and this person is just an excuse?_

 

_This thing with this other person, it’s just a way to waste time.  I can’t imagine choosing someone else over Jiyong._

 

_Yeah… just a way to dwindle the days away until Jiyong’s ready too._

 

See?  Nothing to do with Seungri.  So why was he crying?  He was still trying to figure it out when, sudden as it began, the sobbing ceased, followed by deep breaths and a cleared throat.  Minutes later Seungri returned, all traces of tears gone.  To a less astute man it would have been enough to convince him he’d imagined the whole thing but not Seunghyun.  See, Seunghyun knew Seungri better than almost anyone else in the world so he couldn’t not see it.  

 

The corners of his eyes were rimmed red and they shifted just slightly to the right whenever Seunghyun tried to make eye contact.  Even when he spoke, offering the earlier promised water in one hand Seunghyun could see how forced his smile was, how faked.  Seungri had always worn his emotions on his face.  Happy, sad, annoyed, angry, anything and everything in between had been easy to read before.  Maybe he was a little better at hiding it now but Seunghyun wasn’t just any old chump watching Seungri on television.  He knew when Seungri was pretending.

 

So, intuition maybe?  He asked Seungri, “Do you think Jiyong and I will finally get to be together someday?” and watched Seungri’s face crumble with the most miniscule of flinches.  Tears welled up in his eyes but he kept them at bay.

 

With a smile still on his mouth, he said to Seunghyun, “Yeah, hyung.  If that’s what you want then of course.”

 

And so he fell asleep that night feeling like the world’s biggest asshole, lost and confused and with no fucking clue as to what the hell was going on.

 

\----

 

Seungri is intoxicating during their private dance practices.  No matter how tired he gets or how long it takes or how much he sweats he’s there with Seunghyun until the end with these smiles that light up his entire face.  Like he’s genuinely happy to be there and it’s silly to even think it but they take his breath away.  The more and more he sees them the more he never wants them to go away.

 

It’s not something he can fully understand and it’s not something he spends too much time thinking about, only that it’s become about the only bright spot in his day.

 

Everything clicks into place one day, what he’s feeling, like his eyes have finally been opened when Seungri leans in too close to fix his arms and impulse takes over.  He closes the distance between them and kisses Seungri right in the middle of his explanation.

 

That half second before Seungri jerks back is lifechanging.

 

\----

 

He’s standing at a crossroads.  One direction leads to Jiyong; the other leads to Seungri.

 

It’s not so much that Seungri is avoiding him after the kiss.  It’s that Seungri refuses to acknowledge it happened at all that drives him crazy.  Tie into the fact that Seungri is now spending more and more time with Jiyong, making jealousy burn hot and deep in the pit of his stomach.  He hadn’t realized how much Seungri used to be around before, always there, always ready with his stupid face and his stupid jokes -- Hyung, what do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain! -- or a silly smile just because he thought Seunghyun needed it.  He was always there, a comforting presence behind Seunghyun, always supporting him even when he got fed up with memorizing songs and dance routines and lashed out in anger and frustration.

 

“Hyung,” Seungri had always said, a hand on his shoulder.  “I believe in you.”

 

It’s made worse by the fact that when Seungri is with Jiyong they’re easy together, comfortable in a way that he now notices Seungri never is with him, not anymore, not _this_ Seungri, and when it’s not like that they’re having hushed conversations, head so close together they might as well be kissing.  Watching the two of them, watching Jiyong sling a carefree arm across Seungri’s shoulders makes his chest tighten.  Not jealousy per se.  Possessiveness, maybe?

 

He knows he can’t have them both, has never really had either of them to begin with if he’s honest with himself.

 

Jiyong he can live without.  Pretty much have all these years.  It might hurt a little bit now but nothing that will make him regret.

 

It’s Seungri he needs like he needs air, realizes it one night when the whole group and some people he doesn’t remember knowing goes out for dinner.  It’s not really someone either of the two of them are close with, Daesung says when he nudges and asks, but apparently he’s quite close with Seungri.  The stranger (to him) is almost as tall as Seunghyun himself, handsome and lean and crowding into Seungri’s space.  He grins down at Seungri, a hand on Seungri’s arm, and Seungri smiles up at him.  The thought of possibly losing Seungri to someone else sends him into an almost panicked state of mind, all air squeezed out of his lungs until he’s left gasping and trying to find purchase, only able to breathe again when Seungri takes a visible step back.  The smile is still on his face, but the distance he’s put between them says that he’s clearly not interested in whatever this person has to offer.

 

Thank fucking God.

 

He can’t, he concludes.  If he misses his chance with Seungri he’s going to carry that with him for the rest of his life.  He’s going to wonder about what-if’s and maybe’s and he’ll never, ever stop.

 

So, he’s standing at a crossroads.  One path leads to Jiyong.  The other path leads right to Seungri.  He’s standing at a crossroads and yet never once had to think twice about which one to take.  It should surprise him how easy the decision had been, especially since he’d spent the better part of his life waiting for the right time with Jiyong but it doesn’t.  This feels like the right thing to do.  It feels like this is what he’d been waiting on for everything to finally start making sense.

 

He approaches while they’re laughing, inserts himself between them and asks what was going on.  They both shrug at roughly the same time, neither really answering but that’s not what’s important to him anyhow.  He slings his own arm around Seungri’s shoulders, doesn’t care how both pairs of eyes widen at him, and then he tugs Seungri in until he’s snug under Seunghyun’s arm.

 

Look at that.  Perfect fit.

 

\----

 

He only has himself to blame when Seungri doesn’t take any of his advances seriously.  What was it he had said?

 

_I can’t imagine choosing someone else over Jiyong._

 

Yeah, that’s all on him.  It’s no wonder Seungri thinks he’s only messing around.

 

Which is kind of how he snaps one day and presses Seungri up against the mirrored wall during their latest dance practice, licking his way into Seungri’s mouth with an all too eager tongue.  Seungri is pliant at first, hands on Seunghyun’s chest crawling up into his hair, tangling themselves in it.  He hears a moan, revels in it, a burst of happiness exploding low in the pit of his stomach because finally.   _Yes._  But then _no_.  Seungri tenses under his touch one moment and pushes him away the next, strong hands forceful against his chest.  Lost and confused and hurt, he watches Seungri crumble, back sliding along the mirror as he folds in on himself, head between his knees to hide the fact that he’s crying and breaking down in front of Seunghyun.

 

Awkwardly, he squats down and rests a hand on top of Seungri’s head.  “Hey,” he tries.  “Don’t cry.  I’m- I’m really sorry.  I won’t do it again.  I promise.”

 

“You don’t get anything,” Seungri says, low, far off. “You’re just the asshole who gets to forget.”

 

Seungri’s words feel like a jab to the chest.  He falls forward onto his knees, quick as a blink of an eye he has Seungri looking up at him, hands on either side of Seungri’s head.  “Don’t say that,” he pleads.   _“Don’t.”_

 

Eyes locked with Seungri’s wide ones he searches for an answer, anything really.  He finds it in the lines of Seungri’s eyes and then everything clicks.  He doesn’t remember, but he gets it now.  He’d been so fucking stupid before.   _Blind._ “It’s you,” he says, awed.  “You’re the one I’m dating.”  He presses his forehead against Seungri’s, feels the sharp inhale of a gasp.  “Of course you’d be the one I’d choose over Jiyong.”

 

A laugh, low and crazy and happy and sad and like he’s about to fall apart again, and Seungri says to him, tears coloring the tone of his voice, “You’re such a jerk, hyung.  I hate you so much.”

 

Seunghyun pulls him in, cradles Seungri against his chest, feels Seungri wrap arms around him and holds on tight.  “No, you don’t.  You love me.”

 

A pause, and then one slow nod answers him.  He hides a smile into Seungri’s head of hair.

 

\----

 

There’s a box hidden at the back of his closet labeled:

 

Bad Memories: DO NOT OPEN.

 

It’s something he would do except it’s not his handwriting.  Belatedly, he realizes that the writing is Seungri’s.

 

Inside said box he finds memories.  Pictures.  Trinkets.  Little gifts he’d given Seungri over the years.  Gifts Seungri had given him.  Postcards he had sent when he had been on location shooting and had missed Seungri particularly bad.  The years they’ve spent together, locked inside this box he’d been afraid to touch before, comes flying back.

 

2011 and the first blush of real love and the sheer infatuation he’d felt when Seungri smiled at him.  The fear that had come with that and the pushing Seungri away because for the first time in his life it was something real, something he could have.  The letting go and the opening himself up and the happiness that filled his life when he’d done so.

 

2012 and Fantastic Baby and the pressure and the stress and all the fighting and the arguments and the angry break-up and Seungri’s scandal and in the end, the _I really need you in my life because I can’t be okay otherwise._

 

2013 and the I love you.

 

2014 and the I still love you so fucking much.

 

2015 and the you're my everything. _Hyung, you mean everything to me.  
_

 

2016 and the I’m sorry I forgot but thank you for patiently staying by my side even when I was such a fucking tool.

 

2016 and the of course I was going to choose you.  I will always choose you, you idiot.  How could you ever think otherwise?

 

2016 and the box Seungri had hidden their memories in one hand, the other yanking the blankets off of Seungri, watching the poor boy’s naked body curl up on Seunghyun’s sheets as he whined.

 

“Hyung,” he says, one hand blindly reaching out for something to cover himself in warmth with.

 

“Yah!  These are precious to me!  How could you have kept them from me!  I would have definitely remembered sooner if I’d seen these!”

 

A pause, complete silence, and then Seungri shoots up when he registers Seunghyun’s.  “You remember?”

 

“I remember everything!”  Seungri launches himself at Seunghyun, arms wound tight around Seunghyun’s neck.  Softer this time, he says, “Hey, you should have told me.”

 

Seungri mumbles his answer into Seunghyun’s neck.  “I wanted you to be able to choose what made you happy without any obligations.”

 

Really, he knows what Seungri is actually saying: if you really loved me, you’d find a way back.

 

He curls his free arm around the small of Seungri’s back and holds him close.  “Stop watching those romance dramas,” he says.  “It’s not realistic and it’s rotting your brains.”

 

Seungri chuckles, sending tickles down the side of Seunghyun’s neck.  “But hyung, you did find your way back to me.  Just like all those dramas said you would.”

 

He groans, puts in extra effort to sound pained all the while hiding a fond smile into Seungri’s shoulder.

 

Before he spends the rest of his day lazing around their apartment with Seungri to catch up on months of kissing and sex and just being near each other, he shoots off a quick text to Jiyong.

 

_Thank you._

 

Jiyong sends back a quick reply.

 

_Told you =)._

 

_\----_

**Author's Note:**

> I remember GD liking this picture of a box that had been marked "Bad Memories DO NOT OPEN!" and I kind of adored it so I worked it into my fic ^_^. But other than that, I think the fic turned out pretty decent. It's not as melodramatic as I wanted it to be, but I think it works better this way ^_^.
> 
> Anyhow, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated ^_^

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Forget It (And Fall Again)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9777416) by [Kashika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kashika/pseuds/Kashika)




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